Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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