U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize