i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
