I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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