Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
