i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
