those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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