Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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