How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
