So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
