It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
