If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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