I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
