addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
