i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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