Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
