she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
