Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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