Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
