just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
