Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
