i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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