Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
