you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
