i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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