Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
