Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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