i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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