It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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