Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
