Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
