well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
