I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My cat gives me a boner
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
