There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
