two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
