Do you still have your period?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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