SEEEEXXX PLEASE
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
