I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
