White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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