Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
