Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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