The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
