Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
