the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
