If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
