Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize