No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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