So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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