Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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