Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
