found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
