Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
