How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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