i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize