We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
