as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
