Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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