Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
