rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize