please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
