i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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