I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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