U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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