So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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