I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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