They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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