new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
