I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
