I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize