I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
