I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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