If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize