Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
