Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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