opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
