i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
