We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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