ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize