great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
