I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
