Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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