I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
