So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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