I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
