Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
