this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
