I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
