My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
