So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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