I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
