batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
