I puked a lego.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
