She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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