Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
