i would punch a child for taco bell
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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