the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I AM VODKA MAN
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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