Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
