2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
