You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
