She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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